At any rate, timing- I finish treatment this week and I think somewhere in my mind is the lurking thought about the possibility of re-entering my life as I knew it before. And although I know for a fact that my life as I knew it before no longer exists I guess it's a seductive illusion. I have a friend, a three time cancer survivor, who I spoke to days after this thing started and I naively said "I don't think this has sunk in yet", she wisely replied "honey, this won't even begin to sink in for six months", so here I am, starting to process.
The last six months I think my soul has been on auto pilot, and that's not such a bad thing, to begin with, my soul is one that believes unabashedly in the core good in everything and that is a comfort. And also, I've been put through a series of experiences that have been a bit mind numbing, surgery, chemo, radiation... things you just plug through I guess.
I have often been wrapped up in a feeling that I am supposed to "DO" something with all of this, not in the often trite "everything happens for a reason" vein of thought, but rather with a sense of logic, a compulsion to make sense of things not only for me but for others in my tribe.
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